Sorry

Sorry is a word of ‘convenience’ invented by angrez, which can fit in any conversation and situation. I can say with some amount of confidence that this word is one of the most abused (and also most used) word in the angrezi language.

Can you imagine a day in your life when you have not used this word or rather made a conscious effort for not using this word? I believe you can become a better person if you do not use this word... wat say.

Current Mood: Definitely NOT apologetic

Current Muzik: Tujhse Naraz nahin jindagi ...

Aski "De Shourie" "De Casta"

Another One

Another article published in DNA on September 23, 2005. This one is again an edited (or I can also called it distorted) version of the actual article which was sent to the editor, who had conviniently made the changes to make it look critical which was not my intent. Nonetheless I have to accept it as it is as he needs to accomodate a large number of views apart from balancing commercial aspects as well.

Sudoku

Sudoku is a puzzle game which has become a craze at Mumbai, I find people of all ages scratching their heads to place nine sets of number 1 to 9 on a square of 81 cells. I also have got addicted to it so much so that I solve about 6-8 sudokus in a day and I must confess that I buy newspaper only to solve the sudoku in it, that too the one which has two sudokus in it. I went to the extent of buying a book full of sudokus which I solve in the night. The popularity of this game can be gauged from the fact that nowadays all newspaper carry atleast one sudoku everday (if not more :-) ) and the average sale of newspaper is dictated by the level of difficulty of sudoku (just kidding).

To give you an idea of my addiction here is the routine of my sudoku dose: I solve two sudokus in the train on the way to office, another two on the internet during lunch break and then I take two more print-outs of sudoku from here to solve it on my way back home. After dinner I start with the book of sudoku which I got and then solve 2-3 depending on the my level of tiredness (oh god if only I observed such discipline in other things I could have done a lot!!).

On the flip side it gives you a lot of headache when you are unable to crack and of course density of hair on your head decreases (so now you know the reason for my receding hairline :-( ). I have even heard of stories about people getting sleepless nights or even dreams of cracking soduko in under-5 minutes. Taking lesson from such stories, I have vowed to reduce my consumption of sudoku to two per day lets see how sucessful I can be!

You can find free sudokus here, some of other interesting facts about it could be found here and of course you can find a sudoku solver here in case you are unable to crack it.

Current Mood: I am getting a headache after a overdose of Sudoku
Current Muzik: Sarr Dard mein koi gana nahin sunta hai .... ka samje

Aski "De Sudokuist" "De Casta"

Development and Dependence

I think all of us agree that we as a community have evolved over time or in other words have made progress in technology and other spheres of life which makes our life easier. Man has landed on moon, we have made all kinds of gadgetry which make our day to day activities simpler. We as a community feel proud of these achievements, but then what get missed out is that all these developments have made us more dependent on external environment. We have become so much dependent on some many things that missing any one of them makes our day miserable.

In order to survive we of course need food and we also need emotions, which in my view cannot be done away with. There are other things which are not necessary for our survival per se but then we get an ‘addiction’ for it.

I was trying to figure out what are things which I am ‘addicted’ to apart from basic necessities of life. Here is the list such things in order of their priority (please note the list is not exhaustive, however I have made an earnest effort in this regard):

• Internet – Gmail, Orkut, Yahoo!, Blogger, Google
• My Cellphone
• Transportation system – Central Railways (Harbour Line), BEST and auto-rickshaws
• My radio
• My Computer at work
  

I don’t know whether the so called ‘development’ and ‘progress’ which has made us more dependent on external environment is for our good (or otherwise) and that its absence makes our life miserable. I don’t what to call it ‘development’ or ‘dependence’ or ‘decay’(!!).

Current Muzik: Abhi alvida mat kaho doston
Current Mood: Unstable

My First Newspaper Article

My first article was published on September 06, 2005 in DNA. It was about Sania Mirza’s loss in the US Open – 2005, I must admit I did not watch the match neither do I follow her progress too closely, but I was just testing my writing skills. I just wanted to write something and test whether it is good enough to be published in a newspaper. The article was written in a short time interval and is quite uncharacteristic of the way I write as also the topics on which I write but then it was just a trial piece. I promise to put a better one next time round and will try to update my this page more often.

Current Mood: Cheerful

Current Music: Ye Khabar chapwa do akhbar mein, poster lagwa do deewar mein

Aski “De DNA” De Casta”

Loosing is the name of the game

What do we have for loosers? Interesting question to dwell upon. How many winners have you ever seen in your life I am sure you can count them on your fingers. So the world is full of loosers, that means a handful of winners rule the rest of the loosers., hence Pareto’s analogy is perfectly valid.

It has been professed by many that winning is the name of the game, but then if we have so many loosers out here. Obviously there is an inherent fallacy in this argument, as only a handful can be winners and the rest are branded as loosers. So if we take a representative sample of the society then loosers outnumber winners. So not all people can be winners although everyone aspires to be (baring a few exceptions yours truly included). So winning is a dream and loosing is a reality, in other winning is a myth or a mirage.

Consider a hypothetical situation when we donot have success (read winners) then one can argue that life would become boring and mundane. This argument is again based on the “product-process” assumption of life and success would have more weightage for people who lay more emphasis on product. After all in this game there are winners who can be counted on fingers and even in their life success comes towards the end. The so-called (or shall we say self-proclaimed) winners also loose and interestingly they loose most of the time in their life, but attain the title of a ‘winner’ through their few successes.

Ramana Maharshi professes that “Success develops arrogance and the man’s spiritual progress is thus arrested. Failure on the other hand is beneficial, in as much as it opens the eyes of the man to his limitations”. Further he says Defeat is nothing but opportunity lost in disguise so it should be welcomed. I fully subscribe to his views. Although winning could be a driver however it would be detrimental to neglect losses.

The point being if we have so many loosers and very few winners who loose most of time then why cant be rename the game as “Loosing”. Lets change the paradigm to “Loosing is the name of the game”.

Aski “De Lusser” “De Casta”

Current Music : Jo Jeeta wahin sikandar aur jo hara woh hai bandar !!

Current Mood : Cranky

Turbulent Tuesday : Capsule version

Mumbai was experiencing an unusually dry period during its monsoon season, it seemed as if the rain gods were somewhat angry with Mumbaikars. But on 26/7 the adage ‘it never rains, it pours’ was once again proved true at Mumbai. Mumbaikars witnessed a record rainfall of 99cms, which is the highest downpour over the past 100 years. The drains in ‘city of dreams’ was unable to soak the amount of H2O which had rained on the fateful day.

The rains played havoc with transportation network of the city, Mumbai’s lifeline is its local railway network. The railways service was indefinitely suspended and millions of commuters were stranded in the island city. 60% of city’s taxis and a number of cars, buses had broken down, and most of them were abandoned in the middle of the roads which added to the mayhem. Water-logging and breakdown of vehicles resulted in a grid-lock situation and the city which is known to be on the move was deprived of its speed. All the cell phone networks were choked (with water !!) and ATMs were not working as well. People were on the roads for more than 24 hours, some without food or water, completely drenched in water.

But then remarkable aspect of the city and more importantly its citizens is its ability to counter adversity. That day I had witnessed the indomitable spirit of Mumbai, although stress and anxiety could be seen on their faces it did not loose its composure, it never pressed the ‘panic button’. Mumbaikars were going out of the way to help others, I was really moved when I saw a 70-year old man distributing water to the public and then providing guidance to people who were stuck in the grid-lock. Some were offering biscuits, food, water and helpful guidance to the stranded commuters, in fact such people had turned out in numbers. I cannot imagine if such a thing can happen in any other city of India. The reason for this behavior is both the geography as well as most residents at Mumbai are migrants from other parts of the country who share a common aspiration. A typical Mumbaikar is ambitious and bonds develop between strangers either in the compartments of trains or outside as most of them face similar problems and share common goals. This is the true colour of Mumbai which was highlighted on the Turbulent Tuesday.

As a result of the rains there were four water bodies which had formed between my workplace and home. I had named them as [Daddar water-body = Arabian Sea], [King Circle water body = Atlantic Ocean], [Chunnabhatti water body = Pacific Ocean] and [Chembur water body = Indian Ocean]. (Please the nomenclature has been made after careful assessment of the size and magnitude of such water bodies). It took 24hours for my voyage from the 20th floor office at Cuffe Parade to my sweet home at Vashi, whereas on a normal day I cover the same distance in 1.5hours.

It was an experience of a lifetime and I learnt a lot during this journey. I saw hope in everyone’s eye when I entered VT station, this hope was fatigued out to anxiety which transformed into agitation and protest. But at no point of time did Mumbaikars loose hope, I could see millions of people walking down their way to reach home and it was hope which was their driver, fuel and engine. I even saw some kids playing water-polo in the ocean, which was something they always missed during a routine day, it was amazing to see some people enjoying even at such hour of natural calamity. I witnessed the true Mumbai attitude of ‘never-say-die’, they were always bubbling and buzzing with activity, trying to help the commuters with whatever was possible for them.

I learnt that money cant buy everything (for anything else you have MasterCard), in such circumstances it does not matter how rich or how much money you have, as all are equal and everyone from the blue-collar employee of an MNC to a clerk at government department was walking down the streets at the same pace. It made me realize that patience is a great virtue and when something is inevitable enjoy it.

As I reached home I switched on my television set to follow the developments of the flood situation in the city. But I must admit what I saw over television was completely different picture from what I had experienced on the ground. All of the channels (expect one) were critical about the failure of the system to face such a situation. They were trying to sensationalize the news and some of the reporters also tried to victimize and single-out innocent workers. I must admit I saw a normal worker/citizen was extremely helpful, there may have been a lack of communication from system. What right does the television media have to criticize and victimize people, when it was not doing its own role of reporting facts and provide objective analysis properly. Moreover, in such hour of need they were trying to play for ratings which was really sickening. On the contrary the FM radio channels were extremely honest in their reporting of facts. They were providing insightful information about traffic situation and water levels in different parts of the city. They had also tried to bridge the communication gap between the people, who could not contact their relatives and loved ones. I think television media which has a much better coverage should be more responsible in its reporting of news and should provide due credit to heroes who deserved it . It should be more pragmatic in its approach and should portray both sides of picture, rather than always blaming it to the system. (I was wondering if the quote of JFK holds good for Indians and India "And so, my fellow Americans, ask not what your country can do for you, ask what you can do for your country").


Current Mood : Damp
Current Music : ‘Lagi aaj sawan mein phir who ghadi hai’

I encourage readers to read the graphic version of my experience of the Turbulent Tuesday here.

Aski “De Damp” “De Casta”

Turbulent Tuesday : My Graphic Experience

My friends started pouring me with calls at about 4:15 pm informing that it has been raining heavily and Harbour line (one of the three lifelines of Mumbai on which I travel) trains have been suspended since 3:30 pm. Incidentally, my parents had planned their return trip the same day, and I had planned to start by about 5:45pm from my office at Cuffe Parade to reach Lokmanya Tilak Terminus reach by 7:00pm well in time for the train. But then rain gods had chalked a different course for my return back to home.

To rub salt to most of my colleagues our employer had put a group memo informing that there has been heavy rains and in view of this all employees can leave office by 5:15 pm (as against 5:45 pm, while most employers at Mumbai had advised their employees to leave by 3:30 pm). As a sincere employee following my employers advise and as per my original plan I started from my office at 5:15 pm. There were heavy showers welcoming me outside my twentieth floor office and all taxis refused to take me to VT, so I decided to take a bus, but then I got a pooled taxi for VT. Soon, we had realized that there was great traffic jam at VT and Churchgate (the hub railway stations for central and western railways respectively) stations and my taxi mates soon ditched me halfway to VT to walk it down to VT and our taxi guy got four more guys to take them to Borivali. So I decided to walk it down to VT, storming my way through the heavy downpour I reached VT.

On my way to VT, I was trying to imagine VT on the eventful day, to my surprise I saw some of the amazing scenes as I landed up at there. There was total chaos, all trains were suspended, the platforms were flooded with people along with some water as well. I could see the anxiety and desperation on the face of Mumbaikars, everyone was panicky which further added to the chaos. The sales of the teashops and chip-stores hit an all time high, it was big business for the taxi guys as well. Such people were trying to increase their personal wealth at the expense of the common man’s helplessness, economist may term this phenomena as “rent-seeking behavior”. However, when a buyer is willing to pay a higher price (than otherwise under normal conditions) for goods/services rendered to him/her, and as long as such a behavior is acceptable to both the buyers and sellers then such a deal should be okay with the market/society. Interestingly, it also shows that money cannot buy everything (for anything else you have Mastercard, what say!) and it should be the only driver in an individual’s life.

Moving on with my journey back home, as trains were suspended I decided to hang on at VT so that I could catch the first train back to see off my parents. I was expecting a delay of about two to three hours, but then I could never have imagined what happened eventually. I got a comfortable seat in the first class compartment I managed to a few hours of sleep in the train. I could feel the frustration building up in the people as there was a lack of communication from the railway authorities. This frustration was transformed into agitation and people were demonstrating in front station master’s office and police was trying to disburse the crowd, while some of the people were blowing horns of the trains to mark their protest. An expression of exhaustion was added to the people’s face as time passed through and everyone was eagerly looking at the indicator to show some signs of activity.

My latest gizmo (interested readers can read about my gizmo here) was my soul companion and was serving me well in this hour of need, the FM channels were serving generous doses of traffic updates and the expected time of resumption of railway services was quite handy. By now I had developed verbal communication channel with my co-travelers in the compartment and I even had a short debate with co-traveler who was critical on the railways about its efforts to restore railway service, which I refuted adamantly. In the meanwhile there was an announcement that trains may start after 10:00 pm and hopes of people were raised only to shatter it sometime later. I was running short of cash, so tried to withdraw money from the ATM but without any success as people had already withdrawn all the available cash in the ATMs (infact I realized later that all ATM networks were down). The cell phone networks were jammed till now as everyone was trying to call their near-ones to give their whereabouts and well being. To my surprise my service provider’s network was working well and I was able to receive and dial calls to convey my well being to my parents who now had decided to stay on at Mumbai.

There was hope among my co-travelers that the train would resume service by 4:00 am (of next day morning), but the clock was indicating 5:30 am and there was no signs of activity. My co-travelers were losing hope and they were discussing the possibility of taking a taxi to Vashi. Finally, four of us decided to take a taxi but then getting a taxi in this rains was also a tough ask. I was not too convinced about the idea of taking a taxi but then I went with the momentum of my co-travelers. There was a huge crowd outside at Times of India building to ‘grab’ a bus/taxi. Finally after half an hour (at 5:30 am) of struggle in the rains we got into a taxi, and zoomed through the abandoned streets of Mumbai.

Till now I was unable to gauge the gravity of the situation, but while we were on our way I could see some amazing scences on the road which made me realize that the road ahead was not going to be easy. There was knee-deep water at Matunga circle there were many cars stuck in the pond however our taxi driver drove astutely and we managed to cross the pond. There were cars, taxi, buses and two-wheelers lying in the middle of the street, which added to the road block. This was an indicator of the havoc which rains had ruled the previous night, there were broken trees on the roads. I now figured out why it was such a difficult task to get a taxi and that how lucky we were (my estimate was about 60% of the taxis were grounded on the roads and the balance were stuck in the traffic jam). In a record time of 30 minutes we reached Sion circle which made added excitement in the atmosphere and there was a talk about reaching Vashi in another hour or so, but then I was still in disbelief. After witnessing the carnage at Dadar and Matunga I could not subscribe to the ‘popular perception’ of reaching home early but was hoping that I would be proven wrong.

After reaching Sion circle all our joy had died very soon as we had crawled about 100m in the last one hour, it was now 9:00 am. Suddenly the taxi’s engine died and the driver tried hard to start it but without any success, I even pushed the taxi in the rains hoping that it would restart. We paid off the taxi and then started walking towards out home we were asking all taxi drivers on the way if they would drop us but then no-one was willing to drop us. We had only covered 200m and a great pond greeted us, the water was neck-deep and there were kids playing water polo and there were some people who were trying to cross the great ‘Atlantic Ocean’ of Mumbai. I was in no mood to get wet in this season and decided to wait in a BEST bus which was destined for Deonar which was on my way to Vashi. We got a comfortable seat in the bus and to our surprise the bus embarked on its expedition across the ‘Atlantic’, its engine was on full throttle and it was creating waves in the ‘Atlantic’, water entered the bus and reached the engine as well but then we managed to cross. I could see the fumes coming out of the engine but I must congratulate the designers of the engine who made it possible for us to cross the great ocean. Everyone in the bus and outside we cheering the driver in this great ride, I have doubts whether Schumacher could such pyrotechnics.

After this ride my hopes were on an all-time high, and I was thinking that now I could reach home by 12:00 pm, but then we had drove into a grid-lock and for the next three hours we would move 50m. It was 10:00 am now and I was hungry and thirsty, there was no toilet around so the situation was quite ‘desperate’. The rains had subsided and the only things which were moving were humans who relied on their foot, I of course did not have much faith on mine, so I was waiting in the bus. In order to diffuse my anxiety and tension I switched on my gizmo which gave me periodic updates on the situation as well as some ‘dhinchak’ remixes. I waited and waited, I even had a short naps, there was tea, biscuits and water served to us. People were volunteering to break the grid-lock of traffic. Some were offering guidance to people to find their way, while others gave their mobile phones so that people can convey their status to their relatives.

By now my cell phone was running out of battery and my co-travelers their patience. At 2:30pm they decided it was time to move on foot as the jam showed no signs of movement. I was quite reluctant to leave the bus, but then obliged to the other three. As soon I stepped out of the bus I lost track of my co-travelers I tried to find them but then they had disappeared suddenly in the sea. I decided to cover the rest of the journey on my own, walked about 2kms from Sion hospital to Chunnabhatti flyover and was greeted by several volunteers on the way who were offering water, bananas, food, help and guidance to the people trapped in the jam.

I thought that I had crossed the ‘Atlantic’ and there was no other ocean to be crossed I was mistaken I saw the ‘Pacific’ at Chunnabhatti although the depth of the water was same it was 5 times the length of ‘Atlantic’. I stood at the shores of the ‘Pacific’ devising strategies for crossing the ‘Pacific’ and finally after half an hour of vigorous debate I decided not to get myself wet. I was looking for a truck or bus to help me cross it but there were equally intelligent people like me, who were quicker and more aggressive in their approach. After missing two trucks and one bus I managed to board a truck filled with potatoes to cross the largest ocean of Mumbai. The truck was then packed with people who were equally intelligent but less aggressive in their approach than me. The ‘Pacific’ looked awesome although its grandeur was reduced over the period of last eight hours with water draining into Arabian Sea but still it managed to divide the city into two halves. With some fight I managed to deport from the truck and almost lost my spects on the way.

I walked towards Suman Nagar signal at Chembur and saw there was still ‘Indian Ocean’ to be crossed this time I was not too lucky to get a lift easily I had to wait for another hour to get a lift from BEST bus again to cross the ‘Indian Ocean’ which was of course not as ominous as ‘Pacific’ and ‘Atlantic’. After my voyage across all the three oceans of Mumbai I again started to walk towards my destination, it was 3:30pm now. I managed again to get an autoricksaw till Mankhurd (which was about 5kms from Vashi) who charged me a whopping Rs.100 for a ride of 5kms, but I was happy to give that 100 bucks. After this I again got a lift from a bike to finally reach Vashi at 4:15pm. I went straight to Center One and got myself three pair of socks as all my socks were wet, then tried to withdraw cash from ATM, I tried five different banks but was unsuccessful in all such attempts. Reached home at 5:15 after an adventure across three oceans and one pond over a distance of 35kms exactly 24 hours after I started from my office. On a normal Mumbai day this one-way journey takes me about 1.5 hours but then this voyage made me realize a lot of things which I could not have on any other day.

Current Mood : Wet

Current Music : "Abke Sawan Aise Barse"

Aski "De Wet" "De Casta"

Success

Success can be defined by purists as attainment of a stated and desired set of objectives within a given resource constraint. As defined hereinabove there are two distinct aspects in achieving success one is clarity in statement of objectives and the next is the process through which such stated objectives can be achieved, of course with the universal underlying assumption of resources are always a scarce commodity.

Sometime back I was wondering what is the chemical and psychological composition of success. Is success a transformation which changes an individual's outlook towards life, some people believe that nothing tastes better than success. It makes an individual feel more confident about his/her abilities. Success should be celebrated big time, as you never know how many failures you may face in your future path. But I was wondering is success like a trigger which makes one aware of one's own ability. It is like one always had those skills but then it needed a trigger to make him/her believe that it exists. This phenomena is observed often with people who are not confident of their abilities and need external support to realize their inherent potential.

If there is some amount of truth in above paragraph then success can be a dope for all diseases. It would be a panacea, seems logical right, but hang on! If this was the truth then why cant one success cure all the maladies in a person's life, have you ever wondered about this. So you need more and more of success in your life, greed for more success (incidentally Greed is considered a sin) in order to constantly cure one's ills. Hence, Success is not a panacea but a "crocin" for limited relief, it is definitely not a cure. So why is it valued so much in any person's life? why do people keep chasing success all their life. I believe it is quite human to run after mirages (read success and/or results and/or products) which of course don't exist. It is like humans running a race to be winners but then in race there is no winner but then there are lots of losers (interested readers can read similar analogy in my blog on Mumbai here). So success is a myth, it only boosts one's ego temporarily but then one comes back to the original state subsequently. How about failure, will the same analogy work for failure as well, NO it does not. Failure can break you any day and is a truth and reality. I don’t think there is any argument about this.


Current Music : None
Current Mood : Sedate

Aski "De Failure" "De Casta"

Some of the ideas have due reference to my friends philosophy about process and product (interested readers can read his view here), I completely subscribe to such views.

Have I changed ?

Over the past few months, I have observed that more and more people have been commenting about me that I have become a "crack", "nerd" and/or "insane". Of course, I do not subscribe to such views and moreover on the contrary I feel it is the other way round about such "commentators". But then if you are a geek and a number cruncher (which incidentally is my profession) and you tend to believe in pure statistics then there must be some "iota of truth" in such statements. One great statisticians once said "There are lies, damned lies, and statistics!", I am forced to believe this great statistician (the great statistician was called B. Disareli).

However, professionally I have firm belief in statistics so I think there is a "mild" (could be an understatement by some standards) change in my behavioral pattern. I certainly believe that this change is more towards developing my thought process and has helped me mature as a person as well as a professional. I have been doing thinking over the past few months, I been trying to assign reasons to actions taken by persons and society, I am also trying to find patterns in such behavior. I am also trying to understand human psychology and as a logical next step to be able to predict their future actions to given circumstances.

It is certainly not the "commentators" fault when they make such statements about me, I can understand their ignorance about me as a person. Although there is change but not many people in this world know me well as a person to observe this change. The obvious reason for this is I am an introvert and don't generally open up with "public" at large. Moreover, for some people who "think" they know me better than "public", I have changed since my school and college days when people used to imitate me for my laziness, not I am quite active and was considered workaholic by people. In fact I walk faster than the Mumbai crowd swerving my way through the crowded VT station.

In terms of physical appearance also I have changed since my schooldays, I put on a scholarly spects, I dress up more formally for work. I still remember my college days when I used to wear the same old T-shirt, Jeans and bathroom slippers to classes, that also has undergone a transformation. I have put one picture (here) of my schooldays and another (here) one taken recently for readers to appreciate the change in my physical appearance. In terms of putting on weight I certainly have been unsuccessful in this respect (I am 54kgs by weight, which is "under-weight" by fitness standards of my height), of course my height has increased since the day I was born (in fact change is about 145 cms, assuming I was 75 cms at birth). But of course not many people comment about me in terms of physical appearance, so I think this could be irrelevant to the present discussion, but for the sake of completeness of the discussion it finds a reference in this post here (!!).

I think it is human to resist change, it is our inherent inertia of seeing things the same old way which our eyes have been trained and accustomed to. But I believe to constantly keep innovating is the way to improve and this belief in me has evolved over the period of last few months. I have realized to enjoy life one needs to keep learning new skills, keep improving on your faults and weaknesses, for which one needs to realize your weaknesses in the first place. I have been doing all this to understand human and society behavior so that I can understand what my weaknesses are and what I need to do to improve upon them. This aspect of mine which has developed recently has been perceived by others as "profound" and which leads them to think that I have traits of an "insane" person, but I belief it will help me develop my thought and intellectual process and eventually make me a better human being.

Some intellectual said "Change is the essence of life", I have realized the importance of these words and am trying to implement it in my life. Those "Commentators" who do not understand the power and importance of these words would have such opinion about me, but then for others it would mean a process of self evolution. I leave the reader to judge me on their frame of reference (interested readers can read my blog on morality here in order to understand what I mean by frame of reference).

Aski "De Evolutionary" "De Casta"

Living on the edge

As a child I remember there was a not so popular (cause I never understood it) weekly science documentary on Dordarshan called ‘Living on the edge’. I still cant figure out why the documentary was titled so, anyways my understanding of the documentary as well as english language per se was and still is, quite limited.

A lot of people like to lead their lives on the edge. I think once a person gets addicted to living life in this fashion it is difficult to change and it becomes addictive. I never thought that it can be pulling and one can enjoy it. I had always believed in the good old tortoise adage of ‘slow and steady wins the race’, but there are underlying assumptions in this logic. The logic is that it is only the ‘product’ and not the ‘process’ which matters in the long run. I think both the ‘product’ as well as ‘process’ are equally important. There is a lot of fun in the process of achievement of result which can sometimes be greater than or equal to the joy of actual achievement of success. So the tortoise fable may not be that completely true under such circumstances.

I believe life is a long journey where the actual achievement of results is towards the end of this journey, in such circumstances most of our life we are in the process of achievement of success or rather chasing a mirage. So it becomes more important for an individual to enjoy this chase. I am in no way undermining the importance of achievement of results, rather I am only emphasizing the fact that the run of life is equally important and that the faster you in the race the more enjoyable it can get. Hence people who have realized this fact tend to run as fast as they can.

Speed has always fascinated humans, but then as one of the ads mentions “Speed thrills but then it kills as well”. It is not that living on the edge comes without stick, there is a very fine balance between enjoyment and danger. It can be fatal sometimes as I have found and experienced several times, but the addiction of this way of life still drives people. But then one should always be conscious that over-addiction of any kind should be avoided. Trying to do the balancing act of living on the edge of the wedge (!!), but I have started enjoying the edge.

Aski “De Khatra” “De Casta”

My latest gizmo acquisition: SONY Walkman FM Radio

I took a quick decision to pamper myself with an expensive radio which I thought was quite elegant but then some people had other views on the same. It is a sleek SONY Walkman FM SRF – S84 radio which has stereo effect and extra bass features to pep-up my day. Although I am a music freak but then I had never listened to radio ever before. I listen to this latest gizmo of mine when I see people getting free body massages in the train, not that I am cribbing that I don’t such service.

The decision to acquire this gizmo is turning out to be a blessing in disguise specially in light of my decision to switch jobs. I have to travel for approximately one eighth of the day everyday (which means that i spend approximately one eighth of my time for traveling) to go for work and the only respite for me in this ‘massage bar’ is my radio.

There are four FM radio channels in the city of which one of them broadcasts only “angrezi muzik” which of course I cant appreciate. As a true couch potato I keep surfing between the channels to listen to the latest and wackiest hindi music. My taste of music is soft and melodious typically old hindi movie songs, however my choice has become more broad-based and I am beginning to appreciate “dinchak remixes” as well.

I think this radio is the only driver for me to travel thirty five kilometers across the length of the city everyday to go for work. Perhaps I should get myself an “i-pod” to increase my motivational level at work which are at a all-time low.

Aski “De Muzikal” “De Casta”

Another milestone in my professional career

After a roller-coaster ride at my previous employer (hereinafter referred to as “ABC”) I finally managed to start a new chapter in my professional career. This change is another milestone in development of me as a professional not only because of increase in my pay package (which anyways is insignificant and can be mathematically proved to be tending towards epsilon) but more importantly in terms of work profile.

My new employer (hereinafter referred to as “XYZ”) is one of the ‘larger’ investment banks in India and is part of a largest banking group in India. The most significant difference in both organizations is the in terms of work culture and ethics. ABC was a very small organization of a handful of individuals and I got recognition at there for the work I did. But then as everything comes with a pinch of salt, not many people realize the kind of games (especially the one called ‘politix’) which can be played in such places. The work culture at ABC was highly informal and I was part of the world’s smallest team that can ever be assembled. The system (if at all one existed) was flexible and got a lot of freedom to experiment and innovate. On the contrary, XYZ is part of the largest banking group in India, it has a distinct public sector image. Unlike ABC, XYZ has got systems and processes in place hence the freedom is limited to some extent, but then there are checks and balances to curb any malpractices.

I think my experience at ABC cannot be deemed as working in a professional environment, it can be at best considered as a working with a few individuals in pseudo-organization. I think the last two years spent with ABC can be best summarized as a part of a long transition process from an amateur student life to a professional career at XYZ. However, I was satisfied with the work at ABC and it was also exciting at times, at ABC I got exposure to the whole business cycle, which I could not have got in a larger organization. But then I often think that am I such a slow learner who needed two full years to learn this, I think its high-time for me to put my career on overdrive.

Sometime back I had made a conscious decision to say no to work beyond office hours, this has helped me in pursuing some of my other interests which I could not do otherwise. I believe being part of larger group would be better for my overall development in the longer run both as an individual and as a professional. But then only time will tell whether some of my recent decisions taken by me are forward steps towards pursuit of my objectives in life.

Last Day at my previous employer

Morality

Morality is one of the most discussed and researched topic of discussion amongst philosophers. Through this blog I am trying to present my views on this topic. I start with a disclaimer (like the way any professional consultant’s report starts). I am disclaiming any responsibility of any kind for any action taken upon reliance on the views presented in this blog. Moreover, any portrayal by the reader of this article about “yours truly” being construed as being a “philosopher” is a matter of pure coincidence and is not intention of this blog by any chance.

Before hitting the nail on its head let me take the liberty of breaking a few other heads on the concept of “digital and analog”. The question I am trying to figure out that is there anything which is digital in nature (other than digital communication, which may also be argued to be an artificial creation). To put some more clarity “Does nature produce digital stuff?” apart from the idea of life and death which is surely “digital” (there are some people who still argue with the idea of “comma”). I am raising this issue as I believe it is closely linked to morality, is morality a “digital” concept or is it “analog”.

Morality in view is an “analog” concept with a spectrum between moral and immoral behavior in real life. In utopian context it may be digital in nature with the line of morality being defined differently for each individual. So the problem arises when someone tries to assess morality of another person on his line of morality. It is similar to the frame of reference problem where a man traveling in a car sees a fly and makes a judgment that it is stationary but then fly is also traveling at the same speed of car (of course with respect to another frame of reference which is stationary). The problem becomes even more interesting as nobody knows others frame of reference or scale of morality and hence judges the other person on his scale or line of morality. I find the so-called problem of “Generation Gap” fitting perfectly to this analogy.

Then the question arises how does someone draw this “line of morality”, of course this is based on the assumption that some line like this does exist in real life. The answer to this question revolves around the values imparted to one during his/her formative years apart from the cultural environment of upbringing. The individual then creates a judgment log of correctness/incorrectness which is updated on each milestones life. This log helps people create the line of morality, which can be argued to be influenced by the society’s popular perception of morality. This influence would be quite limited in case of a person who has accepted a high degree of value transfer during his/her formative age, whereas the lesser the degree of value transfer the higher would be the influence of society’s popular perception.

The line of morality has wave characteristics and hence one can observe a fringe being formed on this perceived line of morality. This wave characteristics makes it even tougher for us to figure out the answers to such moral questions. Light has dual characteristics of both wave and particle, but in my opinion morality is not similar to light and only follows wave laws.

Can or should morality (or line of morality of an individual) be imposed on someone and if so who is the moral policeman of our society and how did he manage to secure this designation. Enforcement or imposition of any rule on individual leads to resistance and unrest and same is the case for morality. Should the society or a community or a person become a social and a moral policeman, why should a policeman impose his/her (or for that matter society’s popular perception of) morality on a common man and term him/her as a criminal.

Aski “De Moral” “De Casta”

Dilemma and Decision

Life is a maze of decisions, the dilemma lies in the process of taking or not taking this decision. In life this dilemma has been well researched by several immortals and is separate subject in itself called philosophy. In corporate parlance this art and/or science of decision making is called management sciences. The ‘dilemma’ is equally difficult to handle in both the contexts.

I believe decision making in an ‘Utopian’ situation is an answer to a question which is either positive or negative and hence is digital in nature. However, in real life situation utopia rarely exists and answers can never be ‘Yes’ or ‘No’. It will always be various shades of grey and not ‘black & white’ and hence is a continuous variable rather than being a discrete function in mathematical terms. So degree of dilemma could be measured as the variability of the decision from the desired outcome which would be either ‘zero’ or ‘one’ in an ‘utopian’ situation.

On a more abstract note the dilemma could be a ‘moral’ one where the answer sought is in relation to ethics and integrity of a person’s character. Such variety of dilemma is the toughest to handle cause the variability of the decision is high because of the uncertainty of the ‘desired outcome’. Not many people know what is the ‘desired outcome’ and ignorance can be one of major factors contributing towards this. However, dilemma could be in form of a social, financial or any other question relating to an individual or a corporation and can be equally unraveling depending on the situation.

Decision-making is a complex process of balancing interests of various stakeholders in a given set of external conditions. Typical rational human beings in an ‘Utopian situation’ try to arrive at decisions based on a set of assumptions and then try to observe the desired outcome by altering the external environment. However, again in real life situations decisions are typically taken on instincts and gut feelings and such elaborate analysis is used to justify the instincts.

Often people try to do a post-mortem of decisions taken in the past, it is generally accepted that such a process would help them to learn from the mistakes committed, so that such mistakes are not repeated in the future. But then instead of being a learning experience it can be a source of regret and pain for the decision-maker in the hindsight. This feeling of regret can influence future decisions also, hence one needs to be very careful in undertaking such analysis.

So by decreasing the variability of the decision from the desired outcomes one can reduce the dilemma of decisions. But then how to achieve the task of decreasing this variability is the art of decision-making which is dependent on lots of factors and many of which are external in nature. In order to sail through the maze of life one needs to learn and master this art of decision making, which holds the key to success in life and career.

Aski “De Casta”

Separation

The other day I was talking to my dad about my resignation and he made a remarkable statement, he said “Separation of any kind is a painful process for both the parties”. At that point of time I absorbed the remark, but I understood its true meaning today.

One of my best friends (arguably!! cause he still disputes it) has left today for another city to get employment there, not that it was a conscious choice made by him but then there was not much of option left for him. I had known him for the last seven years, he was my next door neighbor at my hostel. Both of us earned our first rupee together at Mumbai, had studied & graduated together, cooked some wonderful delicacies, shared a lot of ups and down in our life together. He was a rock solid support for me, I relied on him on all financial matters. He gave me advise when I was facing turbulence at my workplace. I realize now that how weak I am and now I am afraid he is gone and I fear I may succumb to the pressures and rigors of life.

I had armed myself with two degrees from one of the most prestigious institutions of India and have been working in the glory of these degrees at Mumbai for the past two years. I had a tough decision of choosing my job, and strangely I chose a lesser paying and unknown employer over a better paymaster and better-branded organization. However, looking back now I can confidently stand up and pat myself on making the choice. I had enjoyed lots of moment at my work over the period of last two years. Although I have not made millions here but have learnt a lot at this place and work was satisfying and exciting at times. But then I had not much choice but to put in my papers and I was forced to make this decision.

I guess these two incidents have shook my life greatly, it has made me realize that I am a very selfish and a weak person. I got too emotional during both these incidents because of my inherent hollowness. I made it difficult for my friend to leave instead of holding fort with him during his tough period. I behaved like an immature kid who was being too self-centric. I guess it was the attachment and the bond which was developed over the period of last few years which made me do that. Ironically both of the relations had started at the same time and are now coming towards the end simultaneously.

Looking back now what I learn from these to incidents are that all good things have to end and one should not become too attached to a particular thing to make it difficult to let go. It is this bond which gets developed makes it difficult during the separation. The weakness of a person comes out during this process and it is a test of one’s character. I failed again after my IIM-B debacle, I guess I need to become more independent and a mature person who can stand on his own feet. A Separation would not be that painful if the bond is not properly developed or the person has maturity in his character. But it is human tendency to develop relations and then get separated because of earthly reasons, I think it is cyclic in nature.

The nobel prize winning thought of Adam Smith says ‘Cyclicity’ of an kind should be broken by breaking the ‘cycle’. I am trying to figure out how should this cyclicity of separation should be broken, should it be done by just breaking the relations or by detaching emotions from relations. I think this should require an extensive research by some psychologist of the order of Adam Smith. But then I am still carrying my wounds of separations trying to figure out how to reduce the pains inflicted from it.

Aski “De Casta”

Mumbai: The City of Dreams

Mumbai the island city, is a city of dreams for some. Everyday thousands of people come to this place to realize their dreams, some are attracted to this place to become part of the glamorous world of bollywood while others come to earn their millions on the dalal street. It has a place for everyone and it absorbs all of them in its system.

I have been living here for the last two years and I must admit that it is like a conundrum to me the more I see Mumbai the more I feel there is much more to be seen and explored here. It has a special place in my life since it is city where I have earned my first rupee, it has taught me to stand on my own feet and has helped me develop myself as a mature person.

You need to experience the early morning Mumbai it is a maddening rush where everyone is running after the trains which is flooded with humans, overcrowded railway platforms and jammed roads. Someone needs to study and research the packing structure of people in a second class railway compartment cause it defies all the laws of nature. ‘Free of cost body massage’ service is provided to all 'Mumbaikars' who happen to travel in such compartments and you get extra-special massage on the 'Virar Local' of the Western line.

If one wants to see the true picture of Mumbai he/she needs to observe the railway system here which is a true representative sample of the city. You will find all kinds of people, see innovative marketers, high-rise buildings, experience the slums alongside the tracks and smell the filth as well. In fact the railways is the nerve center of the city, it has one of the most advanced public transportation system in India.

The people here go out of the way to help others and are extremely gentle and enterprising. It has an amazing work culture and even the government ‘babus’ here are more sincere than an average ‘babu’ elsewhere although their levels of corruption can still be debated. It teaches one to become more smarter, savvier and to adopt an aggressive approach towards life. It offers a plethora of opportunities for the appropriate candidates and gives them a chance to excel and to realize their dreams. It makes you better networked and one tends to be in the thick of things all the time.

Darwin’s laws are aptly applicable at this place and your survival is solely dependent on your ability to ‘fight’ against the crowd. And it is this ‘fight’ which more often than not lands you up in a ‘race for survival’ which gets accelerated on the railway tracks of Mumbai. Quality of life suffers in this ‘Grand Prix of life’ and one gets lesser time for family, friends and interests. People become machines and emotions take a secondary place in their lives.

But it is solely for an individual to strike a balance between professional life, family and personal interest. During the first year of my stay at Mumbai I got into this 'rat race' and was determined to become the winner, I enjoyed the race too. But it was during the later half of my stay I realized that this race is never ending and there are no winners but then there are lots of losers. And then I started to realize the need to strike a balance in the race and it is this race which gave me the maturity to develop as a person.

Mumbai gets you to accelerate in this race which compresses your time-frame and then at some point of time it makes you realize your fate in the ‘race’. This compression gives you an opportunity to mature earlier in your life as compared to other Indian cities. The earlier you realize the truth of the ‘race’ the earlier will you fulfill your dreams in the ‘City of Dreams’ - Mumbai.

Aski "De Casta"

Towards the end

I am writing this blog as i come towards the end of another chapter in my life. Recently, my dream of pursuing a MBA program at IIM-B broke when my application was rejected. I had put a lot of fight for it but then looks like it was not to be this time. Ironically, the same day one my best friends also quit his job and has been looking for another one and finally he has been successful his search. But then he has to move out from here, so again one of the most wonderful chapters of my life of staying with my best friend has come to an end. Another of my friend who was staying with me moved out to another place and then that association was also closed.

I quit my job recently and am going thru the painful process of separation from my present employer. I was enjoying my job, but then suddenly things changed i had no options but to quit. There are several other offers, but then i have a tough time in picking one. I learnt a lot of things at this place, seen a lot of India, what plagues the system, learnt how not to do things which i think is something no other place teaches and it helped me to improve myself as a person and a professional.

Now then here i stand loosing a lot of friends feeling lonely, going thru the agony of separation with a good employer. Looking back in the past i realize last one or two years were really good to me, i was having fun at work and was happy with my friends and family. But then as all good things have to end i think time has chnaged its course and many of my cherished associations have come to an end or have changed their path.

I dont even have a house to stay now, have to look for one and also look for a room partner to share the rent and more importantly talk to someone when i m back from work. Think there are hard times ahead for me. Lets see how i face and battle this hardship. I also need to start working on my MBA ambitions again and this time it would be tougher cos i would be alone and then the memories of last year would crop up and it would be an uphill task. Hoping that there would be some light at the end of the tunnel but then i think i have just entered the tunnel and the cold long lonely walk has just begun.

Aski "De Casta"